Today in Middle-Earth: Boromir sets out from Minas Tirith (July 4rd, 3018 T.A.)
On the eve of the sudden assault a dream came to my brother in a troubled sleep; and afterwards a like dream came oft to him again, and once to me.(…)
We could understand little, and we spoke to our father, Denethor, Lord of Minas Tirith, wise in the lore of Gondor. This only would he say, that Imladris was of old the name among the Elves of a far northern dale, where Elrond the Halfelven dwelt, greatest of lore-masters. Therefore my brother, seeing how desperate was our need, was eager to heed the dream and seek for Imladris; but since the way was full of doubt and danger, I took the journey upon myself. Loth was my father to give me leave, and long have I wandered by roads forgotten, seeking the house of Elrond, of which many had heard, but few knew where it lay.
W h a t s a y y o u ?
some muggleborn like “i want to be an astronaut when i grow up!”
wizard kids like “wtf is an astronaut”
"oh you know…the people who go to the moon"
I don’t know which is sadder to me
Fili and Kili dying in each others arms
Or on opposite sides of the battlefield, thinking ‘at least my brother’s still alive’
I was making icons and I ended up with this stupid hicspression when I was working and I just…you dork.
I saw this and my first thought was ‘He looks like a really enthusiastic infomercial salesperson’
Bless you for that imagery. XD
“HI. HICCUP HORRENDOUS III HERE WITH THE NEW OXICLEAN.”OMG
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
This country is such a fucking joke. Did you know that if we were to divide the income in this country fairly it would be about 300,000 per person. That’s annually. You could give each person in this country 100,000 and still have enough to invest in infrastructure and research. Instead we have people who don’t have water, don’t have their basic human rights fulfilled, because they don’t have enough to pay a bill.Capitalism is inhumane.
This is apparently coming out in 3 days.
In 3 days, I’m going to start to be a total jogging addict, I think
I’ve been beta testing it and I can confirm it’s actually the greatest app ever. Full iOS release date is as specified, Android release this Spring.
It’s so intense, at one point during the first mission when radio contact was lost, I could hear them trying to contact me “Can you hear us?!” and I literally grabbed the mic and shouted, “I CAN HEAR YOU WHAT DO I DO?” even though that’s not how it works.
I’m just glad nobody was near me.
Alright yall sit your asses down I’m telling you a story
I have this app and it is one of my best purchases I’ve ever had. It endorses your running and makes you work.
The only downside is that it is fucking terrifying. One time, I was running, and got surrounded by zombies. Groaning and shuffling from all angles. And I have never ran that fast in my entire life. I completed my course(which usually takes 15 mins) in 5. I was also screaming a bit. I got some really weird looks, too.
So, morale of the story: This is a fucking scary app and I recommend it 100%.
HEY SIT YO ASSES DOWN LET’S CHAT ABOUT WHAT A GREAT APP THIS IS.
I’ve had this app for, what, two years now? Yeah. Two years.
Literally the best investment of my life. Yes, better than SAT tutors, personal fitness training, college, and art class, though these are all things that are important and helped me take steps towards being awesome. But this app might be literally saving my ass.
So first I downloaded the Zombies, Run! app on the Android. What does this app have? And the above stories are true - you can set your app to a GPS chase (or accelerometer but that’s really annoying because phones aren’t built for that) and zombies will chase you. And they’re groaning over your music and everything.
But what changed my life for the better was the Zombies, Run! 5k training app, only $2.
THAT’S RIGHT, AN 8-WEEK COUCH-TO-5K TRAINING, THEMED IN THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, FOR ONLY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS.
You don’t even need the original app. But the original app’s storyline enhances this one, and vice versa.
Now, you might be like, what? That can’t be right. Pay $2 to train for a 5k in the course of only two months? HELL FUCKIN’ YEAH YOU HEARD ME RIGHT.
This is me being a massive lonely nerdass at the Color Me Rad a month ago. Granted, that race had more hills than I cared for (I trained on a flat boardwalk), but I still ran. And before that, only halfway through the program, I ran the Electric Run 5k with my also-nerdass boyfriend. Yeah, ran it. Hell yeah.
And I clocked in a 11:41 mile yesterday on the treadmill. A year ago I couldn’t even run for more than a minute without wanting to stop and roll over off the boardwalk onto the beach.
And what’s better: I’m seeing my blood sugar levels drop. Yeah, I’m diabetic, and this is actually helping my fat diabetic ass. So along with a better diet and a totally rad EDM playlist, this game is literally saving me. It’s helping me get up, get active, and finally start loving to run.
Okay, but enough about me.
What else does this game have that you should 100% get behind?
- Indie developers!
- …that actually respond to their players!
- Canon queer representation!
- Canon diversity!
- Continued content!
- An AWESOME community!
- DID I ALREADY MENTION CANON QUEER AND RACIAL REPRESENTATION!?
- Continuously updated content!
They’ve been recognized by all sorts of British media, and after this app got big, Six To Start was funded by the British government to help develop an app for walkers!
This is literally one of the best apps on the market.
Please support this app for awesome INDIE APPS, FUN FITNESS, AND REPRESENTATION!
I feel that anyone who believes Romeo & Juliet is about some kind of Great and Timeless Love TM* needs to see this.
WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS TODAY IN MY SHAKESPEARE CLASS.
If you go and actually read what Romeo says to Benvolio in the first scene, you will realize that he is only upset because HE WANTED ROSALINE’S BODY AND SHE SAID NO AND SO ROMEO WAS MOPING AND PITCHING A FIT ABOUT IT. Then, the second he lays eyes on Juliet, he’s basically saying
During the balcony scene, Romeo talks about how he scaled the wall of the garden to see Juliet. That is not romantic. That is disrespectful to her. This is a private area of the Capulet home, and Capulet built the wall around it to protect his daughter. This was a time when a woman’s virtue was the most important thing she owned. If Juliet was found with a man in this very private part of her home, everyone would think she was no longer a virgin, her reputation would be ruined, and it would be much harder, if not impossible, for her father to make a good marriage.
Speaking of good marriages, Count Paris is seen as the bad guy because he “comes between” Romeo and Juliet. Capulet had arranged for Paris to marry Juliet in 2 years time, when she would be 16, in a time when most women were already married and mothers by the time they were Juliet’s age at (almost but not quite) 14. Most fathers would have already had their daughters married by now, but he wants to wait two more years AND PARIS IS OKAY WITH THAT. Not only that, but Paris is young (her father could have had her married to a 60 year old man), titled (he’s a fucking Count), wealthy (again, he’s a count, which means Juliet will have financial stability), and, from what we see of him, he is a very good guy. Capulet could have done a LOT worse in choosing his son-in-law.
Finally, here’s something to consider: Juliet was 13, Romeo was 17. Their relationship lasted 3 days, defied their parents, and ended in the deaths of 6 people.
If I ever hear you say that Romeo and Juliet is the greatest love story ever told, I will bitch slap you.
That is all.
And then, in Shakespeare’s next play, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” he basically went out of his way to make fun of the people who thought that Romeo and Juliet was so deep and romantic in writing the “Pyramus and Thisbe” sequence performed by a bunch of lousy, middle-aged men who saw too deep into it.
George R. R. Martin everyone.
My favourite thing about this gifset is that George R. R. Martin acknowledges both of these methods without insulting or dismissing the other. He is a fantastic writer and I know that some other fantastic writers swear by their methods and discount the others, which can be really disheartening as a young writer. Hearing him describe both of these methods without dismissing the other makes me very, very happy, as I am very much an architect and I always get so sad when every writer I look up to is like “NO PLANNING. PLANNING BAD. WRITERS DONT PLAN.”
So thank you, Mr. Martin.
I am by and large an architect but I am not opposed to my building gaining sentience and doing what it wants along the way, a la a gardener. So I feel this. I feel it so hard. Also:
"No one is purely an architect or a gardener in terms of writers, but many writers tend to one side or the other."
GEORGE R. R. MARTIN, YOU MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT THAT SENTENCE IS. THANK YOU.
Snow Queen (x)
WTF THIS IS HILARIOUS
LESBIANS GET SHIT DONE :D
Lesbians and FUKKEN DWARVES, YEAH!
Ok NSFW but everyone should read oglaf, go do it!
When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.